Dear D,

I’d be lying if I said your story didn’t make me hungry. It’s been a long time since I’ve had a hot dog, let alone two. Although, from the looks of me, you’d think I eat them all the time; so much so that I no longer have a “muffin top” in my jeans, but an Egg McMuffin top – make that a Sausage McMuffin top (btw, merely typing the word “sausage” made me salivate).

It’s gotten so bad that I’ve stopped searching for my “fat jeans” and now look for my “fat underwear” - which has lead to another problem: laundry and having to do it more often to make sure my “uniform” is clean. Luckily I’m in France where the rule on wearing a fresh outfit each day isn’t as rigid.

If things continue, I might have to ask F if I can cheat on him and get back together with my confidence-destroying, soul-gutting ex. That seems to be the only “diet” that has ever really worked for me (that and losing a tooth). However, given that today is our 6 year anniversary, I'm not sure it's a good time to ask if he'd like to take a break.

Love, A

Dear A,

So you know, when you're pregnant, funny things happen to your body. Sure, the obvious, you grow a baby in your belly so your belly gets fat, your belly button looks like a Jackson Pollack painting, and your feet get swollen. This is what most never been pregnant women and men think when they think of physical pregnancy changes. What they do not think of is that when you cough, laugh, or sneeze, you can't hold your pee in (sometimes, that stays with you after the pregnancy!). Or, they don't realize that other parts of your body, say, oh, I don't know, your breasts change dramatically. Oh yes, they think the breasts get bigger (and they do, all that breastmilk coming in and the milk ducts getting ready for that). BUT, do they know about the other changes???

Case in point:

Location: Me and my youngest son, now 2, showering.

My son, pointing to my nipples: "Hot dogs!"

Yes, the nipples get incredibly big so that it's easy for the newborn to latch on for nursing. But nothing like a 2 year old's astute observation to make you feel good about those changes!

Love, D