I think it's so odd, or that's not the right word...intrusive when people feel free to insert opinion. It's not like you're some walking Mad Lib and it's written "I should ____ (insert verb) children." You know? Anyway, if somehow you want a kid or a kid experience, you can have one of mine. On a plane. For over 6 hours. That should prove to you that you're doing just fine with the fat kitty and skinny hubby.
But you're right...somehow, people think that having children is a necessary rite of passage for a woman. Almost as if you're not a whole person unless you produce offspring. It's one of those annoying stereotypes, societal expectations kind of thing that can really piss you off if you simply don't want to have kids (in my case, it's people expecting that I'm good at math because I'm Asian -- thankfully, my IPhone has a calculator app). But as a woman with two kids and one baking in the proverbial oven, let me illuminate a couple of myths about mommyhood.
1. Having a baby doesn't mean that you suddenly love all babies. Oh sure, you see your baby and you get all gooey inside. But that does not mean that you love all babies. Let's put it this way. After my second was born, it took me a full year to even tolerate holding someone else's baby. When a friend offered for me to hold her newborn, I actually straight up said "uh, no thanks." So it's not like becoming a mother suddenly means that you want someone else's kid's snot and spit up on your clothes.
2. Having a baby does not make you a kinder, gentler person. In fact, I'd almost argue the opposite. With the lack of sleep, the constant white noise of whining or crying, and the general expectation (both by oneself, one's mother, and one's mother-in-law) that you're going to be a perfect mom, you can get pretty nasty. Example. One friend and her husband had to promise not to mention the word "divorce" for the first year of their child's life. Why? Because you're both sleep deprived and nasty as shit, and of course, you take it out on each other.
3. Having kids does not strengthen a marriage. I could refer back to myth #2 here, but let me elaborate. If you're marriage is unsteady, for whatever small reason, sort of like an old wooden bridge, then imagine piling some big ass boulder sized rocks on it and see if that bridge withholds the pressure. Not. Having kids, while making it seem like now you're a "family" puts an insurmountable amount of pressure on people's relationship (because really, it's not all about you anymore) and you have to work incredibly hard to even remember to say "how was your day?" to your spouse.
I could probably go on and on. And for any mothers out there (less they think I am a less than the perfect mother), I really do love my kids and besides sacrificing my breasts for them, have sacrificed other fun things for them (like a career) because they really are worth it. But seriously, if a male ever looked at me and asked me why I didn't have kids yet or opine that I should have kids? I'd sock him right in the nuts.
Love, D
