Dear D,

Congrats to the hubby! I’m very impressed by his new gig; yet, I am a little surprised that a man of such few words would be a T.V. commentator. Maybe you can’t help him with his wardrobe, but I know you could write some material for him. Most of the jokes might be at his expense, but he needs to think about his public. I’d be much more inclined to tune in if I knew his commentary about the little arrows going up and down would be peppered with some of your zingers.

I’m having the same problem with gays in Paris. I actually responded to an ad on Craigslist posted by a gay man looking for friends. He claimed he was looking for straight friends too and I believed him. He didn’t even respond to my email proposing that we meet. I was rejected by someone desperate enough to take the time to post an ad. I knew I should have attached a picture of my gay bait husband.

I recently received an invitation from Democrats Abroad to attend their “LGBT Caucus Fund Raiser” – and I nearly went just to troll for gays. The only thing stopping me was the menu - “Jambalaya Celebration” - and the fact that I might be expected to give money.

Now, about the minivan, it really does make sense - just add “BMW” to the list of things you gave up when you became a mom (this being said by a woman who doesn’t have a car or kids). You’ll have the last laugh anyway when I’m begging one of your kids to come pick me and my wheelchair up in a minivan to drive me to my geriatrician. I really do admire the hard work it takes to be a mother. As we speak, the window in my bedroom is open and my cat is on the balcony. The last time I got up to check on him, he was gone. My heart stopped. I thought I was living an Eric Clapton moment. I eventually found the little guy under the bed. But seriously, I can’t even watch a cat without incident!

Love, A