Dear A,

I have to admit, that picture was pretty frightening, sort of Shawshank Redemption-y, if you ask me. But I'm sure a little fecal matter gets in the terroir every once in a while anyway!

So I forgot to tell you that the husband is famous now. He's a television star, with 4 appearances now on CNBC Asia and Bloomberg Asia. Seriously! He basically goes on and talks about stocks (you can imagine that this is not the reality television appearances that I was hoping for, but I think we're too old to be cast for the Asian Jersey Shore). Anyhow, now that he's done it a few times (and got back some constructive criticism), he actually thinks about what he's going to wear. Yes, this from the man who is still holding onto rugby and flannel shirts from 20 years ago.

But here's the problem, he doesn't know how to really match his shirts and ties. The second problem is that while I think I can put an outfit together, I can't match shirts and ties either. And the final, most humongous problem? I don't have any male gay friends in San Francisco anymore that can help me (or him)!!! What happened, Amy? I feel like someone is going to show up on my doorstep and rip away my Democrat card any moment now. I'm thinking of posting on Craigslist with the caption "I'll be your one Asian friend if you be my one gay friend. Must be able to talk shit." To add insult to injury? We decided to get a minivan to cart my many children and dog. Might as well drive that damn minivan straight to Utah...oh wait, I said damn. They won't let me in, anymore.

Love, D