Dear D,

Thankfully you and your husband are reproducing because this world is in dire need of geniuses! And on this President’s Day, I’m sad to say that it seems we might need to wait for one of your children to turn 35 before we ever see the dramatic change we were all hoping for. In the meantime, perhaps you should send your whiz kid my way to hone his skills. He could fill an entire zoo just walking from my apartment to the métro.

Speaking of my apartment, after 6 months, we’re nearly finished decorating. I’m generally happy with the results, but I really thought I had arrived at a stage in my life where I would no longer be purchasing furniture that required assembly. Our elevator is so tiny that anything bigger than a nightstand has to be carried up 5 floors (6 American floors) or be hoisted through the window. It’s not like I’d be doing the lifting, but I would be the one here to greet the angry delivery man. I’d rather hang out with an angry husband while he assembles pieces of particle board and curses IKEA.

Love, A